There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
