I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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