i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
