I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
