I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
