I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
