We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
