I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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