As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
