I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
