am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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