I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
