awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
