Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
