can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize