Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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