Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
