i already hear my dad disowning me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
