Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
