She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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