no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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