i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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