honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
