How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
