All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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