I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
