what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
