just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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