getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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