Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
