I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
