oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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