Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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