i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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