Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
