he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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