Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
