Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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