My room smells like vodka and shame
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
