Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dick very happy bro
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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