you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
