why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you never un-have a 4some
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
