I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
