my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
