i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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