I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
