if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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