I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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