look no pants
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The Olympian is in my bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
