You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you traded sex for a burrito?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
