why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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