a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
