what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
