It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
vagina is talking i cant
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
