he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
