god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
