She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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