You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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