Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
