apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He felt like a one man threesome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
