Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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