My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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