pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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