I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
