I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
