i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
