I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
