so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
