Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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