I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
