take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
