Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I die, sorry about rent.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
