I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
