well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
