totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
