my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
