I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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